Networks

I just sent you a friend request.

Don’t accept it, I just wanted it to be there. Don’t refuse it either, please. Just keep it there. When you feel like you wanna be my real friend, accept it. It’s just symbolic, and you know how I like to be symbolic with what I do.
I remember that you once told me you didn’t love me, but that you did love X. That you loved my person, how I treated you. I think that what you meant was that you loved me as a friend. From that moment on, I should have just understood that, and let you go. I should have let you go… As the person that best knew you then, I had to know that you needed freedom. And I would have given you that freedom. But I didn’t… Do you want to know why I kept you close?
It was because I believe that a person is even more than actions. People say one action is worth more than a thousand words. But I believe that we, humans, are even more than that. I believe we create a beautiful connection with one another, and that we all kinda love everyone, but are just learning to consolidate that love, to discover that hidden love; and some take more time than others to do so, and that’s totally fine.
So, I forgave you, because I was lucky enough to know the real you. And I mean: real real. Just a few know my real real me. Like, the raw version, without anything to cover my inside core. And you gave me that gift.
It made me feel the most special man in the world. Really.
I forgot the stuff you did; I wanted to be yours. I didn’t want to lose you. Not you dick, not your ass, not your hot body; I just wanted you. Friend, boyfriend, best friend, even enemy, the kind that always fights. I would rather fight you everyday, than being like this. In silence.
Silence hurts so damn much. So when I felt something was wrong with us, I spoke. A lot. And I bored you, I’m sorry. And now I’m doing it again because I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want it to be like this. I wonder how you can’t forgive me. I don’t know what you have to forgive, but you just can’t do it.
But please, know that that guy really cares for you, like family. Know that you changed that boy’s life, because you gave him the strength to be himself. Know that he wishes you the best at all times. Know that he forgives you for doing this to him. Know that he will always, always be there for you. Know that he will not give up on you.
Know that that guy is me.
I can only hope that you read this, and think about it. Maybe think about the human condition, and relationships; of all sort. And I hope you grow up to be the man I know you are. A honest, strong, funny man. And when that happens I’m still here to be your friend. It’s my curse, what can I say.
I promised you I would never stop talking to you. I think that also means giving you support. So here: remember that promise we made.

Huge hug,
from your ex-lover, ex-friend, ex-everything,
from X.